How to be a good listener: There's more to becoming a good listener than you might think. Here's how to do it

Most people think they are good listeners, but the truth is many of us are better at telling our own story than listening to someone else's. Remember, knowing how to listen properly is as essential to good communication as talking.

That said, the idea that you can be a good listener all the time is self-defeating, especially when it's with a partner you see every day. If you want to listen wellm choose the discussions that really matter and focus on those. Then the other person will know that when it's important, you'll make the effort to be attentive.

When you're listening, maintain focus solely on them. Being a good listener means first making it clear that you truly want to hear what they have to say. But, contrary to what most people think, eye contact isn't necessarily the most important thing - psychoanalysts are the best listeners, yet they rarely make eye contact. They usually have their feet up and are staring at the fish tank, yet they're absorbing everything.

Bite your tongue. resist the temptation to argue, or even offer your own opinion. A debate, when they express themselves, then you reply with a string of questions, is unusually unsatisfying. No one feels they've really been understood. It's better to put your own agenda aside and let this all be about the other person. If you sense they want your feedback, ask questions.

Repeat and expound. The biggest mistake people make is not acknowledging what the other person has actually said. Before the conversation moves on, make it clear that you understand what their point was. People feel listened to and undertood when they are prompted on specifics, and when you ask for more details.